debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
