Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
