i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
