Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
