if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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