mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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