Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
