Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
