My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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