They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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