Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize