even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
