the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
