Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
