Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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