god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
