How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
