Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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