I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
