Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
