I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
