Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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