Got a toothbrush?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize