why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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