if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
