If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
