his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
BRING THE BAGELS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize