the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
3 2 1 whiskey
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
