she was so not down for the gang bang
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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