You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
