She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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