hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
