he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize