The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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