i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
