apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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