pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
