when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
