wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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