my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
