My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
