i think i have two assholes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
