I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
