Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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