Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
