The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
