I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
