I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
