One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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