I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
