last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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