scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
