you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
