fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
