She's JV to your varsity
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
