It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
