Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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