At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
party gras won. party gras always wins.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
