i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
