If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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