Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
