Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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