I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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