Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
