feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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