I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
