You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
