OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
