The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
