she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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