fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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