And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
