Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
