my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
