You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
