At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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