do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
